25th November 2008

...and really the 24th November, since I have not been to bed yet :).


OK...some updates. David has FINALLY bought a car. Nine month old VECTRA, which he picks up Thursday. In the meantime, they actually LENT him a car. I found that a wee bit strange, but who am I to argue? He's mobile as of now. I think he's quite pleased with it....I know WE are quite pleased . Meanwhile, being as he is mobile, he's been driving around the country like a mad thing, visiting EVERYONE! As a little example, he went to visit Nell's brother, Billy. Now, its probably been 4 years since he SEEN Billy, but is that a deterrent? He also learned a little lesson - always carry a spare set of EVERYTHING in the car. Apparently Thomas had an 'episode' whilst there, which entailed him borrowing some of Billy's g/kids clothes. In other words, there was shit EVERYWHERE :). He'll learn .

Today, I had to go register Jude's death. I had assumed, from the phone call I got, that they now had all the details to hand, from the Coroners report. Bad mistake! I was asked questions like, Jude's date of birth?....her maiden name? (of COURSE I knew it...I just could not SPELL it!!). All the stupid little details!! Like 'Where did she die?'............well how in hell do you say 'in a car in an abandoned garage' ??? Anyway...its done. I now have the death certificates in my hand, and now the REAL work starts, like sorting out the mortgage and benefits etc. The Registrar was a very sympathetic lady....I guess she has to be. Still, it was a very uncomfortable time for me, trying to answer all those questions.

Now that David is mobile again, he went straight home from work. He needs to.....the house is COLD and he needs to get a fire going and heating on, for us delivering Thomas. So by the time Nell took Thomas out there, there was a fire going in the hearth, and heating going. That has to MEAN something? Like, 'hi son....lets get you bathed' without freezeing the lil mite :).

Meanwhile, I spent that time while Thomas was being delivered bloody IRONING!! I had to - I'd run out of shirts . Still....I caught up on some recorded tv programs while doing it :). Once, I'd have spent my evening romping around the internet......now I iron. A poem occurs to me, a few lines of which are:

And on the pedestal, these words appear:
My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings,
Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away."

......now THAT just TOTALLY encapsulates the changes in my life :). Where once I roamed free and untrammelled, now I am a footnote :).


Kids? I miss my friends. Will-o-the-wisps in cyberspace they might be, but nevertheless, they were (ARE!) real to me. You lot never quite got your head round that, did you :). You can keep your 'facebooks' and 'friends reunited' and MODERN stuff like that.......I far outdated you :) (HEY!...how ABOUT that!.......the oul' fella was actually quite hip . ).

SO.....on to tomorrow (actually today!). I get my usual sticking plaster again (Daniel). I might actually get my new monitor too (its in the post). I am quite looking forward to that because I have lusted after a flat screen for AGES! Its a 19".......it woulda been a 22" only I had my doubts that I could actually get something that big to SIT up here :). You can just BET that with Daniel stuck to me, I won't get a chance to FIDDLE with the damn thing!!! .

ah well........

enough for the noo

Wednesday 19th November 2008

Things happening. I had a phone call today from the Registrar (of Births, Deaths, and Marriages). A nice, very sympathetic lady. To tell me they had recieved all the relevant information from the Coroners Office, and that Jude's death can now be officially recorded and death certificates issued. She asked if I would be the one doing it, or David. Well, I had to talk to David about it, naturally. He wants me to do it. I can understand that - especially since while talking to her she mentioned that she REMEMBERED David and Judith registering Thomas' birth. Everything is still so RAW! Even perfect strangers feel the need to say something!

So, in the next few days I have to pay a visit to her office. What I still have to find out is just how many copies of the death certificate I need. Insurance companies....pension funds...they all need a copy, and these things are £6 each. Strange, that even dying costs money.

As for today?.....Daniel was being a perfect little SOD! By the time Joanne came to collect the kids, I was worn out. Not PHYSICALLY worn out - mentally! They leave, and blessed silence ensues. And if Nell is off driving David and Thomas home, well, I turn off the TV, and put a CD in the player. Nothing like a bit of classical music, or opera, along with a glass of wine to help unwind :). Not that I can play it for long...........it goes off as soon as Nell returns :).

I really AM a bit concerned about Joanne's kids. Wild animals, the bunch of them! Not being the parent, I naturally have to sort of keep my distance, but I know if they were mine, there'd be an accounting :). They don't know (or won't) eat at the table, they regularly use 'no!' when they don't want to do something, they throw tantrums, scream, kick stuff.............and I just get madder and madder. This is NOT the way to bring up children! Then, of course, when I finally DO lose my temper and start to enforce some discipline, I am immediately in the wrong. Its starting to lead to friction in this house. Perhaps I am partly to blame for not speaking up sooner or laying down the law when they were younger (and by that I mean as regards that arch-spoiler of kids, Nell). I do know that its not going to happen again, with Thomas. This time, I WILL have my say, AND my way.

Hmm....right ole curmudgeon, ain't I :).

Bit annoyed, also, that since my circumstances have changed so drastically, I am losing touch with people I really value. OK, so they are mostly online folk - but all of them I consider genuine friends. (Come ON kids!!....keep up!). But its the nature of 'online' that 'offline' is starting to mean 'out of sight, out of mind'. I don't want that....I somehow have to find the time to keep those contacts up.

ok...enough for now.... More soon on the great car hunt, and the registration thing, and the tree thing (which Joanne is dealing with). Its never dull around here :).

Sunday 16th November 2008

Well, things appear to be moving at last. Spoke to a VERY nice lady in the Coroner's Office, mainly to let them know the family voted for no public inquest, but also to mention that we had not yet heard anything about the Health Authority's internal enquiry. She was right on the ball with that one....apparently the Coroner HAS recieved a copy of the report, so really now IS in possession of all the facts. Said report is in the process of being sent out to the family, so I expect to see it soon. However, because we dispensed with the public inquest, that nice lady made things HAPPEN. Proper death certificates will be issued soonest, but she must have done a lot more, because David got a call from Jude's workplace telling him that funds that had been held up because of all this legal crap, had now been released to his account. Specifically, Widow and Dependants benefits (or widower), and backpaid. Thank goodness!! Helping him out was KILLING us.

Sooo...David is now actively hunting for a car. And I do mean ACTIVELY. It's the one single thing that would help most around here, him being mobile again. Now that things are moving, maybe we can get the life insurance / mortgage thing sorted out. THAT would be a tremendous help to him, money wise. I am desperate that he hangs on to his house, especially in the current economic climate. He'd never be able to afford a new house on his own if he lost this one because of not being able to pay the mortgage.

All in all, things are starting to pick up. I am SO pleased about that!!

On to other things. Still LOVING the slow cooker.......that thing is pure bloody magic! Not only because things come out tasting so good, but also because it relieves the CONGESTION that happened around dinner time, here. The period from (say) 4pm to 6pm, when we would normally have been struggling to prepare a dinner AND deal with kidlings was always a fraught time :). Plus, I can now cook Kleftico and it comes out somewhere near like it should .

Thought for the day. Disappointment is picking a nice big fat garlic clove, peeling it........and then finding its nothing but a lot of LITTLE cloves. Man, that really pisses me off

Onward and upward....

Wednesday 12th November 2008

Well....I survived Tuesday and 'lunch' again. Barely. Met with Ramsay and Alan in the usual watering hole, had a very long lingering lunch well lubricated with wine. Kind of odd, that.....over the years we've moved away from beer to wine. It might have something to do with the absolutely RIDICULOUS price of a pint - or maybe we are all getting a bit more mellow in our dotage :). Ramsay, the only one of us still having to work, was one very pissed off guy. Seems BT are now messing around with their pensions (no idea how - I'm immune and therefore deaf to changes ). He can't WAIT now to qualify to leave, and there was no one more committed to the company. Sad to see what a few eager-beaver ladder-climbers can do to a great institution.

However, I made it home under my own steam. Didn't even need an escort to the station . Of course, having MADE it home, I promptly fell asleep. Its a good job these 'lunches' only happen 3 or 4 times a year - my liver is delicate enough as it is :). As a little aside, David DROVE me to the lunch. Now its been almost 6 months since I have been to Belfast, and thank God I don't have to do it every day still. Between all the new changes to the roads (ongoing) and all the changes to traffic systems IN Belfast, I really don't think I could hack all that driving. I was only the passenger, and it scared ME!! Thank heavens for free travel passes :).

Back to normality today, though. Young Thomas seems now to be recovering. No longer running that ferocious temperature, cough diminished, and he actually managed a smile or three. Rebeckah also recovered, and back at school, but still looks to me very pale and shakey. We are keeping Thomas again, tonight, just to make sure he really is on the way to recovery. I think David was grateful we asked.....the last few days, with the baby sick, have proved a bit frightening for him, I think. That does not surprise me at all - it WAS frightening, and I speak as one having gone through it myself, with my own kids. I'm still poking that thermometer in his ear, though, just to be sure to be sure :).

Rebeckah. Having missed school all of last week, she has homeworks to catch up on. Fine! But read FIVE books in one night?? Anyone who has done reading homeworks with young kiddies knows the stress that induces! We had to take turns at it, Nell, me, and Dr Stu, later. This is while juggling Daniel and Thomas! The dinner tonight was of the variety 'what have we got we can chuck in a pot quick' . No one had TIME to think of anything elaborate.

David. Things are getting confusing on that front. He had a letter from the Coroners Office telling us that the Coroner now had all the relevant information to hand (about time, in my opinion) and offering us the choice of accepting a verdict from the Coroner or opting for a public inquest. This choice is apparently a new thing, a consequence of the European Charter entitling everyone to the right to privacy. Well, simple, on the face of it, not so simple when you look into it. I have to state a few things here that are 'complicators'.

(1) The Health Authorities are engaged in a drive to shut down the local maternity unit (in a town of about 300,000 people - are they mad?) in an effort to save money by (that awful word) synergies. IE...Belfast, only 10 miles away, should be the place to deal. Absolute bloody rubbish!

(2) As a result of Jude's death, the Health Authority launched an INTERNAL enquiry to determine if any of THEIR procedures had a bearing, and invited the family to contribute. Which I did, at length, and with much bitterness. That enquiry was supposed to report by mid August, and so far we have heard nothing (but thats being followed up in light of the letter from the Coroners Office).

(3) The question now arises...has the Health Authority delayed the results of their enquiry until after the Coroner has delivered a verdict? If yes, the Coroner is not in possession of all the facts. The Health Authority would be on shakey ground if the results of their internal enquiry gave credence to the very voluble 'anti-closure' lobby, if it showed, for instance, that the maternity service had been deliberately run down and starved of money. If that was the case, then they might be shown to have some culpability in Jude's death.

Its all very much up in the air at the moment, while I write stiff formal letters asking for explanations. I certainly do not want to answer the Coroner's Office request as to what we want to do until I am sure of my ground. But even THAT is a bit of a formality also. By law, Coroners can only deliver something like 10 or 11 verdicts, and no matter what kind of spin you put on it, the only possible verdict is 'suicide'. That can be qualified by phrases like 'while the balance of mind was disturbed' etc. But this all has ENORMOUS impact on how things get sorted out legally, like life insurance, mortgage, things like that. The consensus in the family is there really is no need for a public inquest (and that includes Jude's mother, Mertie), where all the details are laid out for the delectation of newspapers who need to fill column-inches. But again, there is the niggling doubt if the Coroner has all the facts. We shall see.

Friday 7th November 2008

continued.........


Well....there was a small panic there. Joanne arrived with the requested thermometer thing from Dr Stu. One of those 'in ear' things that are supposed to be very accurate. Sooo...when you read a temperature of 40.3, things tend to go into overdrive. Poor lil kid was absolutely SOAKED in sweat - even the sheet he was laying on was wet. So there followed frantic phone calls to Dr Stu, followed by a swift trip to Tesco's to buy some Nurofen. We'd been giving him Calpol, but according to Dr Stu its ok to give him Nurofen in between the Calpol doses. Amazing....his temperature dropped within 10 minutes, and he even LOOKED happier! He's still knackered, though. But....he's back in bed and apparently feeling a LOT more comfortable. It's handy, having a doctor in the family :).

His cot is in the back bedroom.......I fancy that tonight there will be only one person in MY bed....I can't see Nell being more than 6 feet away from him tonight. Thats fine - she's more at ease being at hand. That Nurofen is magic....it works on two people at once :).

People, in older days, used to talk about 'fevers' reaching 'crisis' point. Well, I think today was Thomas's crisis. I would not mind betting that tomorrow, he'll still have the cough, and still have the chesty 'hustle'.....and he'll be as right as rain :) . Nevertheless, I'll be checking his temp as and when. Nothing wrong with belts and braces.


OK...moving on. Saw a little story on TV news tonight. Apparently a guy out flying his plane had a stroke in mid-air and was blinded. Called for help (obviously!). And who steps in?....the RAF. They had a guy fly alongside him directing him right into a landing. Which was successful. Great little end-of-news-cheer-everyone-up story....tada!

Only, kids....I was so PROUD of those guys. Sure, I know, I am 50 years removed from all of that now. But once I was a part of it, and once in, never out. It never mattered what service you belonged to, when the chips were down, you were FAMILY. You were probably all too young to remember in detail the Falklands thing.....but you might remember that your dad INSISTED on keeping the teletext newsflash thing on screen. You, in all likelihood, never saw the tears when HMS Sheffield got hit, and equally you never saw the tears for the Welsh regiment, or those for that never to be forgotten moment when some unknown Major, operating a radio, turned to the camera and said 'They've surrendered - bloody MARVELLOUS!'. Its like I said........once in, never out. We Brits do 'esprit de corps' quite well :).

Well, for a day that started out not the best, things have sorta ended up much much better. I really don't got a lot to complain about, do I ?

Friday 7th November 2008

Well now!! A mixed kind of day. The wee man is poorly - very poorly. Probably just a cold, but running a fearsome temperature, very flushed, and DEFINITELY feeling very sorry for himself. Maybe also complicated by more teeth coming, also. He's had to be nursed all day, and has been drifting in and out of sleep all day. Also, he's obviously much more comfortable when Nell is nursing him rather than me. I put this down to the fact that I don't have boobs. . Actually, while that might seem sexist and blah blah blah, its something I've noted before - babies actually do prefer a soft cushion.

Hold it....short break here for a medical emergency

Tuesday 4th November 2008

Another stressful day :(. I am not handling this kiddie stuff too well - I lost my temper with Daniel. Plus, I am heartily sick of the Cartoon Network blaring out of the tv ALL DAY. I might plead some justification here, ie, Joanne's kids are wild animals, I got pain distractions, just...things ain't GOING right. I'll be better when I get some sleep.

No Thomas today....his other grandma had him for the day. While *I* welcome the minor break, Nell is now stressed out BECAUSE of the break. Probably because she's the 'default' mum, and missing him.

On a brighter note, I finally got some little videos of Thomas down to a manageable size. Not a world shaking event, I know......but some time in the future, those little vids might mean something to someone. Odd thought, that MY generation is probably the first that has the ability to present stuff like that to downstream. I mean, its been available to wealthy folk who could afford Super-8 movie camera's for a long while, but I would guess they is in a minority. No...my generation is the first that has the opportunity of presenting glimpses into the past for future generations. I guess Thomas is going to be real embarrassed sometime in the future :).

Rebeckah has a bad cold, and BOY is she like her mum!! Worst patient ever!! Demands constant attention (she does not get it!) and really gets up everyone's nose. Daniel does the same, but he does it both in good health and when ill. I have NO idea how he keeps going as long as he does. In fact, the only time he is STILL is when I am cooking - he likes to sit on the worktop beside me as I do the prep stuff. Well, when I say 'still' I mean physically.........his mouth never stops. He's got a new word (which I guess EVERY adult knows about)...........'WHY???'. God, he'd drive you insane with those constant 'why's'. And somehow, adults seem pre-programmed to have to ANSWER a 'why', even if the answer is total bloody nonsense....you just have to ANSWER.

I finally accepted the inevitable and cleared the tomato plants out of the greenhouse today. Those bloody things were NEVER going to ripen, now. A pretty fair crop it would have been, too. So...I have them all packed in a box (dark) and currently sitting in the hotpress. Those that know tell me they will ripen eventually in the warmth. I'll believe that when I see it :). However, I have a fondness for FRIED tomatoes, and I am elsewhere informed that fried GREEN tomatoes are pretty good. That also shall be put to the test

Kids...

I hope you manage to keep reading. Its not real exciting stuff, is it?..... but its day to day stuff that we have to deal with. And, if I go with statistics, I'll be shucking off this mortal coil long before your mum does. So pay attention, huh?..... ease her burden.

Saturday 1st November 2008

Feeling a bit down, today. Always David! (and Thomas!). Please God? can I have an extra lease on life so I can watch over them? Or maybe you could send a little bit of luck his way, for a change?

When Thomas is here, I look at him, laying there in the cot. It takes me back years, to the first time we brought David home from hospital. Its exactly the same feeling. (Only David had breathing difficulties - silly little sod never tried breathing through his mouth - I must have had more near heart-attacks in the first week he was home than any cardiac unit). Ah, Judith, he's such a LOVELY little boy. Why didn't you talk to us. Why didn't you just hold on a little longer. Why didn't we open our stupid mouths! You'd be proud of him, luv - you really would. He sleeps all night, grins all day, and copes with everything this madhouse of a home throws at him without even blinking.

Life can be real cruel :(

Accckk!!

Beautiful day, today, but COLD! Had the whole family here, as usual. And as usual TOTAL bedlam. Things getting broken, kids into EVERYTHING. I need eyes in the back of my head! One bright spot - Kate, who previously had been 'strange' (meaning distrustful of faces she did not see every day) has finally decided I am one of the good guys. She insisted on holding my hand, or on being lifted by me. Its quite flattering :) The down side is.....Daniel is almost schizophrenic about it. If I go near Thomas, or now Kate, he's THERE, demanding attention. Kids....who'd want them, who'd want to be without them?

Another good thing - Nell baked some more apple pies. Well, you just KNOW they disappeared in double quick time. Only **I** made sure I got my share, this time What a pity halloween only comes around once a year! Thats a bit unfair really.....takes time to do baking like that, and when you are being the stand-in Mum, you don't have the TIME.

So here I am, on a saturday night.....bored to a wrinkle! TV is crap, as usual, and the people I talk to online are.....not online . I need another hobby! (or work?). Maybe I'll go watch some of the stuff I have recorded, just to clear that hard disk. Its getting a bit full :) Watched 'MAN ON FIRE' (which I had recorded) last night - excellent movie. If a bit on the long side :)


I got this collar thing for one of the dogs. Its supposed to stop them barking, which was a problem since my milkman arrives in the middle of the night! The idea is, it sounds a tone at the first bark, then gives the dog a little jolt if the barking continues. Well, I was both dubious and sceptical. Dubious because I just CANNOT be unkind to dogs....and sceptical as to whether it actually worked. Still, I had to do something. My next door neighbour went so far as to mention to me that she heard the dogs barking in the middle of the night. Ha!....she should be in HERE! SO!....on went the collar. First day?...nada, zilch. I had it too loose or his fur is too thick or something. Tightened the collar a little bit....and to my amazement it seems to work!! Patches barks once....hears the warning tone, and subsides. I just KNOW he hates me . Once he gets the idea firmly embedded, the collar moves to Mo.....


I really DO talk a lot of shit here, don't I? Drivel, really. Hey kids, when you read this, consider whats going on in the background, right? Baring your soul really is not that easy, so learn to read between lines, ok? I love you all, each and every one - as well as the progeny from hell that you have all spawned

(I didn't really mean that last ).